First … I survived day one of my full liquid diet and protein for pre-op!!!  Yeah!

Second … when I re-read the diet guidelines from Dr. Wasser I noticed that cream and broth based soups are a-ok!!  The only day I need 100% clear liquid is the day before surgery!

Lastly … I am now going to turn my focus onto homemade creamy soups, discovering the BEST canned soups out there, AND exploring some soupy shortcuts for those 'one the run' days.

Case and point …

I made myself a cup of broth yesterday … gross!  Too salty! TJ figured he would try his hand at heating up some for me, too … he worked his own spice-adding magic, but again … total fail.  A few moments later my mom surprised us with a visit.  She offered to get me some wonton-free wonton soup … broth only!  It felt like a bad episode of Goldilocks and the 3 bears!

Needless to say, the wonton broth was a total success. My first soupy shortcut has been found! An hour later is when I realized I could have had a creamy soup.  This opens up a whole new world.

Today for brunch I am sipping on a cup of creamy, butternut squash soup.  I sprinkled a touch of nutmeg into the soup while heating it on the stove … yum!!  For an early breakfast I had a protein shake and I will take one with me to work in an hour … I took the morning off to see Dr. Chao.  That's another story, for another time.

I don't know about dinner yet, but I am feeling some creative culinary moments coming on … avocado soup … cream carrot … sweet potato …. etc..!

Thank goodness for the new blender/food processor … I have a feeling we're going to become very close in the days and weeks ahead.

So it seems I have swapped that full, glutinous, swollen feeling for a migraine and absolutely no freakin' energy.  Grr.

TJ gave me some Ibuprofen about ten minutes ago and a steamy mug of lemon tea.

He's the best.

Admittedly, I have thought about Robin's Nest two times … now three …and then I laugh at myself with utmost disappointment.

Am I really pouting about food?

Yes.

Ok, I know Robin's Nest isn't just about the 'food' … after all, it is the restaurant that people swoon over when you mention going there … it's the ambiance, the victorian charm, eclectic decor … and then the deliciously, creative, and eruptive culinary experience.

Plus, the gift card has no expiration date.  Perhaps this will be a nice way to celebrate a date night once I reach week 6 post-op.

No, I'm not 'doing it again' by rewarding myself with food … I don't know if I ever really did that. Realistically speaking, my husband and I enjoy fine dining … my old 'normal' may be gone, but that is what this is all about … out with the old, in with the new … a new normal.

Protein first, followed by veggies, then the grains.

Nothing to drink while I enjoy my meal.

See … I'm getting the hang of this … perhaps tonight I should make that chart.  My very own play by play, week by week, summary of what I can and cannot do or have.


The 'planner' in me is itching to do something productive!

Stay tuned!

Two days post-Turkey Day … leftovers calling my name … little did I know it would be my 'last supper'.

TJ and I piled our plates high with green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, turkey, sweet potatoes, stuffing, and corn at about 9:30 last night.  Within 20 minutes I felt like a stuffed tick.

    Disgusting.

         Painful.

              Swollen.

                   Guilty.

"That's it", I told him.

For whatever reason, in that moment I decided I was done.  No more waiting until Monday. No more procrastination and rationalizations.

This morning I held to my word, and as I sit here now I am accompanied by a protein drink, a cup of broth, and a large glass of water.

Brief battles ensue within my thoughts …

"Today was your last day of eating whatever you want … don't you want those pancakes!?!"

"You don't have to start this today … you said Monday … don't make this harder on yourself!"

"Dr. Wasser said to start this on 12/4 … that's more than a week from now!"

"You and TJ had plans of going to Robin's Nest tonight for dinner … you're going to break your date night for this!?!"

Faaahhhhhhh!!!!

Will-power prevails … I've put this off long enough.

Anything else I do right now would be hypocritical.

Besides … I know I have a couple days coming up that will not be following pre-op guidelines 100% … 2 days in AC for a conference and the night of the 11th when I have a dinner to attend.  I won't be going overboard, but I will be realistic. Keeping with non-chunky soups and high protein/low-fat options like fish … chewing them into mush.  I'll bring some protein shakes with me to the hotel in AC, too … that will take some of the guess work out, but for the most part TJ and I have a good handle on what to do and where to go for dinner.

Sounds great in theory … this time next week we'll see how well I pass the first test.

I stood with the sun against my back, starring intently at the large, looming shadow before me. Lifting up my arms like wings, my lips twist up in disgust.  I am an apple with appendages.  Cracking a joke on myself, I taunt my husband with another 'fat girl' remark.  He gets annoyed with me and then takes my hand as we walk across the parking lot toward the double doors.

Inside, the receptionist is nice.  She's use to fat people (I tell myself), so either she's looking at me with non-judgemental or apathetic eyes.  Either way, I don't care. This is why I am here.

Twenty minutes later we sitting opposite of Dr. Wasser.  A handsome, middle-aged man with salt and pepper hair and the first thing I note to myself is that he is not overweight.  That would just be odd.

He explains that besides a blood clot to the lung, my surgery holds little to no risks.  I can feel TJ's hand tighten.  He's never been under anesthesia and it's the only part of this whole process I know he dreads. I make a note to myself to offer him a nudge of reassurance later; the pre-op speech is typical, almost scripted.  In other words, I will be fine.  Just as I always have and now will continue to be … especially once 80-100 pounds of me are history.

Dr. Wasser and TJ begin to discuss the plastic model of a stomach sitting on he desk between them. They fiddle with the lap band used to demonstrate how the device works and how the 'pillows' are filled, the port is positioned, the stomach eventually shrinks up a bit over time, and so forth.  I nod and smile with my best active listening gestures, but inside my thoughts are waving through fears, what-ifs, and excitement.

I was glad the doctor took the time to show us the stomach model, but I could tell he was in a hurry to keep his morning going.  I hope his semi-rush-like ways are different in the operating room and that I am more then just 'next'. He'd know me as a person if I had attended one of his support group meetings. Perhaps I will look up the date of the next meeting and find my way over there.  Who knows, maybe I'll meet some other gals jumping on the December 'band'wagon.

As we walked back towards TJ's truck I re-examined my shadow.  She is still round like an apple with appendages, but what I notice this time is the large, looming and muscular shape beside me reaching out his hand for mine.  Smiling to myself, I know everything is going to be ok.  Even his shadow looks at me with the utmost love and respect.  Over the next several weeks and months I will be sending us on a journey; a self-inflicted, purposeful, and life-saving journey.  I may not like my shadow today, but the one beside me loves me just the way I am.  He must really like apples.